I received some disappointing news yesterday. A bucket list item of mine and part of the impetus behind writing this blog, was my goal of becoming a yoga instructor. I found a local yogi that had advertised a 200-hour yoga instructor course that would run from February to September meeting one weekend a month. I was signed up by the end of the week. The first weekend of training was this coming weekend and I was prepared with the required books, new yoga attire, and a bubbling of excitement. Yesterday I received a call that there were not enough people enrolled and the class was cancelled with hopes of trying again for a start date in September.
All the emotions
I cried and panicked, screamed, and cried. I did all the emotions. They channeled through me as I listened to the voice message and drove down a snow-covered road. I felt duped and also embarrassed. Was the world trying to send me a message that I was not cut out to be a yoga instructor? It was a let down for sure. I have been thinking and pondering this news ever since.
Our minds with chattering thoughts have the potential to bring about an array of emotions that pull us this way and that akin to a rollercoaster ride. I know we’ve all been there.
The gift of time
I am happy to report that I have moved on. While I have yet to erase all of those weekend dates from my calendar, I have adjusted my mindset. I was overcome with feelings, for a while, but worked my way through them. Now I am contemplating what this situation provides me. The first thing that popped into my mind was that I now have more time to write, to spend time with my family, and attend my kids’ activities and even birthdays. When I committed to the training, I was giving up these things with the full support of my family, so it feels strange to now wipe that all away and have the time handed back to me.
Back to the drawing board
As I mentioned, the journey to becoming a yoga instructor was something I was looking forward to documenting here to share with you all. The momentum I created in readying myself for the 200 hours of training has me contemplating whether I look for a different option. An option that would provide me the hours of necessary training before September. In my research I have found options that would require me to travel to places like Bali (yes, please), but would take me away from my family for an extended period of time not to mention the monetary layout for an option such as that. I have to appreciate the responsibilities that I have, and Bali would be too large of a sacrifice. Other options would take me away from home, but not as far and not as long.
At this point I’ve decided that I’ve made my intentions crystal clear and now I have to wait for the how to be revealed to me in time. Practicing patience can be a difficult endeavor, but acceptance of what is puts me at ease.
In the same way, the expansiveness of the sky is beyond what the eye can see, and it may be clear, cloudy, rainy, snowy, or bright with sunshine. When stormy weather fills your sky, pouring rain and crackling with thunder – watch it pass. In its wake, the sky remains.