As I sat down to write, my immediate response from my brain was – “but I have nothing to say!” This happens just about every time I decide I need to write. It’s time, I state, in a whisper. I go about finding one more sock to pick up that leads to sweeping crumbs up off the floor, to a full out deep cleaning movement. No! I scream at myself, getting upset at that distracted part of myself that will always find one more thing, often involving some sort of physical labor so I can just get lost in the action and know I’m doing something that needs accomplishing.
The work of writing
Why is it harder to convince my brain that sitting my ass down to write is also a thing that needs doing? It is SO.MUCH.HARDER! As you are witnessing, I wrestled with that part of my brain and won, this time. Every day I haven’t written a post – well those are testimonials to the days when the other side of me won.
Once forced to open my computer and plug it in because the battery light was flashing, I closed my eyes and asked myself how I feel. Guess what I came up with? The title to this post. That’s how I feel. Not in a physical sense (I haven’t eaten a meal for several hours), but in an emotional sense. Let’s see if you can relate.
Life is too short
I have lots of ideas – oh so many, (too many) ideas! My husband will attest to this. Just the other day I told him about something else I’ve decided I need to be a part of and add to my learning and with a deadpan face he remarked, “do you have time for that?” Sure! Why not? You only live once! I’m turning 40 soon and time is not guaranteed! These are all the motivational and sometimes unfortunate pushes that I give myself to do a little more, stretch a little more, and become a little more. I do appreciate this about myself, but it can have its drawbacks as well. For instance – knowing when I’m full.
If I had to describe what it feels like right now to be fully immersed in my yoga teacher training, trying to figure out how to build a business out of making candles, holding down a full-time job, mothering, and wife-ing it would be content. So then I went ahead and joined a club to improve my public speaking skills and enrolled in an online class to help me figure out how to align ALL OF THESE PARTS OF ME. Oh, and I’ve got other ideas stewing as well. Earlier this week I felt like I had just eaten the majority of the Thanksgiving turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and salads, and was yet determined to find a place in my stomach to push in a heavenly piece of pumpkin pie! Then guess what? We had a blizzard and school was canceled. Just like that, I was served up some newfound space in my week and digestion happened! Now I’m feeling like I have some space for dinner, even though I’m not starving by any means. Just ready to eat. More.
Yet, that’s the reason for this blog. My message to the busyness of life is to slow down and find ease in your being. That is truly at my core and I come back to that every day. I meditate every day. During that time I welcome the peace of my being and grow deeply in that. I know with 100% certainty that I would not be able to do everything that I do or set my intention each day to be better than the last, without meditating. This is where I find my ease of being. I also find it in unrushed family dinners, conversations with my kids and sharing our highs and lows, dates out with Ben, and scheduled downtime on the weekends. Ben and I work really hard to protect our family time knowing that we need to be a strong family unit and that that can only happen with quality time. For sure there are days and even weeks that rush by, but we can see on our calendar when the next settling time will be and it’s never too far away.
Explore and expand
In this life, we are busy. It’s hard not to be. I hope that you are continually on a path of growth and a journey of exploring this world and your capabilities. Sometimes it is difficult to say no to others, but you have to know what you value and what is important to you. You are here, right now, in this time, to be spectacular and one of a kind. This does not mean that you need to live a grandiose life or be on the cover of a magazine or accrue a million followers on social media. It means that you connect with that fire and life force in you and listen to it. Open yourself up to the possibilities that are all around you. Expand what is in you. It’s okay to remove yourself and sit and be quiet. It is not a waste of time, but a necessity to really listen to your intuition that knows. It is wise and patient.
If you just started eating your Thanksgiving meal when the ball dropped on new year’s eve, you are perhaps slowing down now to take a breath and create some space before your next meal. If this is not you, maybe you are still busy preparing and setting the table to enjoy the feast now, about to begin. Either way, I will see you somewhere in the middle. Just taking a rest.