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The idea I pushed away


Photo credit: @nadineshaabana


Do you ever have an idea and immediately after that idea you think, "ha! that's crazy! I couldn't do that". Maybe you then dismiss it and forget all about it. Maybe it lingers somewhere in the recesses of your mind and one day it reemerges. It perhaps reemerges when you see someone else has followed through with the idea that was yours -- if even for a fleeting time. You might feel bitter, angry, jealous or inspired. Isn't it interesting how those feelings all hold fire? There is a heat behind all of those feelings that can be productive or destructive. Just like a fire you might build in your fire pit -- keep it well fed so it can burn and light the night, but not so much so that the fire spreads and becomes dangerous and out of control. You can see how this can also happen in the fire we experience with heated emotions. Is the fire helpful in creating action and feeding your inspiration in healthy ways or is it consuming you with greed, jealousy and anger? Anger and jealousy burn you on the inside and create agitation in your relationships and in the words you use (think throwing daggers with your sharp tongue or blowing fire like a dragon). If this happens, recognize what is going on and cool yourself down. How do you cool an internal fire? The key is to keeping the flame going, while tempering its potential destructive qualities. Cooling down might look like removing yourself from the thing that got you heated and brought out anger, jealousy and greed in the first place. Step back. Give yourself some space and ground yourself in the present moment through your breath -- following the sensation of your inhale and exhale. Just being with your breath for a full minute can bring that heat down. If you'd like to take it a step further you could practice Sheetali pranayama. See the picture below that demonstrates closed eyes and rolling the tongue through an open mouth.


Inhale through the rolled tongue and then close the mouth, pause, and then exhale out through the nose (mouth stays closed as you exhale). Try ten rounds of this and see if you notice a cooling effect on your mind and a reduction in the heat you were experiencing in your emotions. You've provided yourself some space between the stimulus (i.e., whatever it was that ignited the fiery reaction within you) and your response. Any time you can create space before you respond you're controlling the fire vs. the fire controlling you.


I recently felt an initial pang of heated jealousy when I discovered someone that I know was following through on an idea similar to one I had had regarding writing. I could feel the heat inside me as I thought "NO WAY!" because immediately into my conscious wakeful mind, I remembered that I had had a very similar idea but had not given it the light of day. I had pushed it away. Now I saw that this person was actually entertaining the idea in public and I thought "it could have been me". Cue the rollercoaster of self-defeating statements and thoughts....

BUT I noticed that this was happening and I refused to feed that fire. I instead removed myself from the image that brought forth this message to me and I reframed the message in my thoughts from "that could have been me" to "this is amazing because she is showing me that I can do it too". It took some space and centering myself, but the reframing emerged pretty effortlessly because I practice this stuff! It is all about the practice. ;) You can see I am fully admitting that my knee jerk response was one of defeat and jealousy, but I was able to see the other side of the coin. The other side was a beacon of light reminding me that writing and sharing my writing and continuing to evolve what I do with my writing is within my grasp. It is possible. By pushing away my ideas about myself as a writer and then seeing them bloom within another person was the fire of inspiration that I needed. I feel full of healthy and radiant light today that I'm so excited to share with you, all because I used that heat to light my spark of action instead of being taken down and burned by the flames of rage.


PS. This fiery response can happen more often and more readily during the summer months when the sun is strong and the earth and our bodies are being heated. Be aware of this! You are nature!

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I am always delighted when you update your blog, and as soon as I read it, I want to start a conversation with you in the comments. And then I think, oh I should ponder this awhile and try to write as well as she does! And the cycle of time moves on, and I don't come back to that place again. But today, I was folding my ease of being shirt, and thinking how happy I am when I am inspired by it to "be here now" and you came into my head and heart. Thank you for writing so openly. I admire you greatly--and I have a little bit of that fire of jealousy you mentioned.…

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Wow! Thank you for this comment Michelle :) I appreciate you starting a conversation with me in the comments and I am glad that you did so without requiring yourself to ponder too much. Yes time moves on and its hard to come back even with every intention to do so. I am very moved by your telling of your experience with a site called Open Diary! I would really enjoy hearing more about that sometime. Your thoughts and your willingness to comment means a lot to me. Thank you!!

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